Brokeness and Reconciliation

Torn away from a loving God by our sin.
Sin tainted everything. All of creation has been saturated with this disease that brings so much pain, and every death the world has ever seen. Its in everything. Its in my heart, its in yours.
the broken hearted college kids see it in their empty relationships.
the homeless beggar sees it in the dirt on his emaciated face, in the churning of his empty stomach, in the tarnished photos of family that has turned their back.
every orphan has seen it in their heart deprived of love, never feeling security or the embrace of someone who loves them more than anything else in the world.
mothers see it when their sons and daughters are raped or killed.
new believers find it even in the ones that show them a loving God through molestation or suicide.
fathers see it burning in the eyes of their sons who are consumed by hate and anger.
Forgive me for exposing the darkness we spend all of our lives running from. All of these things are things I've seen in people i love, people that i've laughed with. Why haven't i cried with all of them?
Jesus started the work of reconciliation. he started pulling all of creation back into God, back into freedom from the destroyer of everything good, healthy, happy, and holy (sin not Satan). Jesus chased the hurting, the hated, and we run from the same people as fast as we can.
We were the ones Jesus chased, but now we've forgotten who we've been, and we can't look the people who need Jesus just as much as we did in the eye and say, "I love you." We can't bear to let go of the pride we've stored up from our petty achievements.
We can't even support each other with grace and love.
Jesus left this work of reconciliation to us, His beloved. This is not against you, this is against us, all of us fighting against ourselves.
Jesus carried His cross, and he carries me. i have legs, i have hands, the work starts now.

summer 08?

phew.
These next four days are going to be really busy, but it should be the peak.
Anyways, what i'm excited about!

So, i've been thinking a lot about this summer and what God has for me (and Shawn). I want to go back to Rockmont, but I don't know if I want to go through 10 whole weeks again. I think I lose a lot of my effectiveness when i have to push through all summer without any variation.

A great idea that might have come from Shawn is to go overseas for a session (2 weeks) of camp. That is pretty cool. I really look forward to doing the planning of where to go and what to do. I don't know... It's a strange sensation knowing that we're going to be out of the protection of the US in a place where we aren't good at communicating, and see what God can do with that. Of the world, if i had a choice i don't know where i'd go.
Here are some thoughts so far:
Nicaragua to see Henry Vargas (a missionary who started a school for orphans and street kids where they can learn to support themselves with farming and learning to read and write).
the Dominican Republic to see Enrique and the house that we dug the foundation footings for i guess about 3 years ago.

I just really want to see what God has done somewhere i've been before. i want to see the work that i had a little piece in and see what God has made through it.

But that's my desire. Maybe God has something different or something more. who knows?
If He does, we need to know soon so we can put the plans in action.

I used to never set expectations, i was never excited or disappointed.
I think now, i'm more hopeful than other things. i'm hopeful that everything i do and put together is going to turn out well. i'm hopeful for what God has or doesn't have for me. my life is going well and its going well while i'm thinking that i'm going to have nothing. i dont want money. if i get it, i dont want to use/keep it. i dont think i could have thought of being dirt poor and extremely happy 2 years ago.
the only thing i think i'm hoping for personally is to share my life with someone who loves jesus past the point of giving it all. to quote john lennon, "love is all you need." i have more than that in jesus, but for some reason i want a girl.
I decided, now more than ever, that i want the next girl i date to be the last girl i marry. that's probably doesn't mesh with where God has me now, but i think i can date someone for 3 years without feeling confined and aching for a wedding ring. She would have to be some girl to be able to put up with me that long and understand the ministry i have here better than i do at this moment.

in other news, i'm finding myself longing for so much more. its a strange combination (hopefulness and a moaning for something greater). Where is the love i should be living? i have too many opportunities to love people, and i want to do it somewhere else. i love the thought of living with the homeless, but i have peers right here who need to see jesus too. This is a really big struggle for me that keeps God from so much.

So pray for this if you would,
1.that i can be content being single
2. that i can love my floor, my campus, this community the way that only God can. and that i can have the excitement and passion to do that over anything else.
3. that i can get a mission trip planned from me and shawn over the summer (central america? please God).

this post is beyond long so i'll save the talk of summer till another post.

effing paradox

when you know people really need counseling, you can never tell them in a polite way that would actually make them consider it.

its so hard to let go of something when you let it be all you have.
more Jesus please?
for you, for me, for all of us

we kicked off our hall Bible study on Tuesday
It's weird to know that already, in the first 2 weeks, there are guys who really care about what's going on with each other. I thought recreating the atmosphere that staff church had at camp was going to be hard and time consuming. The time consuming part is true, but I love it. What we have already built here makes me so excited about the Spring.
Having a group of guys that are already this close can be huge when I start a small group that's going to study "The Irresistible Revolution." I can't even begin to imagine what God might do with a bunch of lazy college guys once we get a glimpse of the vision and love God has for us.

3rd time

yep this is my third time making a blog. let's hope it sticks this time. until i have time to add something recent here is some old stuff from this summer:

From Camp
God has been good forever, but I've seen it a lot in the past 2.5 weeks. Firstly, atheists should spend more time outdoors. Secondly, digging deep and analyzing community and what God has wired us for inside that community, has really shown me a lot about how much we should hold each other up and pray for one another. There are so many differently beautiful people here at camp, and its incredible how we interact. Forgive the cliche, but there really aren't words for how exquisitly connected everything in creation is and what has really blown my mind is how everything in ourselves and eachother has the potential for the same awestriking connections.
In creation there is a niche for everything, each living thing has its own place and its own purpose. We are so much like that in design. There is not only room for each person's gifts, but they are of utmost importance when holding us together as a body of Christ and in my case right now, a cabin, a member of the Rockmont staff, as a family member. I need to love and hold up each person in each role around me because our success as a whole depends on the success each individual member who has unique gifts that I may never even be able to understand.
If you want it, here's the scripture that i've been looking at that got me on this: 1 Corinthians 12:12-26, 1 Thessalonians 5:11.
Enjoy your summer guys, pray for me here, and help me do the same for you wherever God has you.

From Camp vol. 2
So, i have this pair of flip flops...
its the only pair i've ever really worn, a lot. When i look at them now, all i see is a my sized footprint that has been pressed so deep into the leather that the shape has almost completely changed. The way I walk in my flipflops has changed too, as they have conformed to my feet, they have changed the way i walk (how i get there).
my hands haven't sunk into the leather of my Bible. The story of God's chase after me and you isn't etched into my heart. As i slowly "break in" that leather bound book, the Word of God causes my heart to conform, it changes the whole thing into something that can't be recognized as what it once was, it changes my direction my goals, and it changes the way i get there.
i pray for the day my heart looks like it was specially made to fit, to carry, to work God's Word.

So there it is. New stuff soon!